What the roast actually tells you
Paste your dating bio — Hinge, Tinder, Bumble, or anywhere else — and the AI reads it the way a stranger swiping at 11pm reads it: fast, unsentimental, and looking for a reason to move on. What comes back is not generic advice. It is a verdict about your profile:
- A Vibe Score out of 100. One number for how your profile lands on first contact. Most bios that lean on clichés score between 10 and 30 — not because people are boring, but because their bios are.
- An archetype. The category a stranger would file you under. Getting told you are “Running the Default Male Settings” stings precisely because you recognize it.
- Five specific roasts. One-liners aimed at actual lines in your bio, not boilerplate about “adding personality.”
- The signals you are sending. What your word choices communicate whether you meant them to or not.
- One redeeming thing. The AI is brutal, not cruel. It always finds the thing worth keeping — that is usually the line to build the rewrite around.
Real roasts of real bios
These are unedited outputs from real submissions (bios deleted, as always — only the verdicts remain):
“This bio has the sexual tension of a PBS tote bag.”
“He didn’t write a bio, he filled out a CAPTCHA.”
“A software engineer in SF who likes hiking and beer. You’re a statistical error.”
Why most dating profiles fail
Nearly every low-scoring bio fails the same way: it describes a person who could be anyone. “Love to travel and try new restaurants.” “Fluent in sarcasm.” “Looking for a partner in crime.” “Just ask.” None of these are lies — they are just true of everyone, which makes them information-free. A profile is not a resume of acceptable traits; it is a filter. Its job is to give the right person a specific reason to message you and everyone else a reason to keep scrolling.
That is why the roast targets lines, not vibes. “Add more personality” is advice nobody can act on. “‘Adventurous guy who loves trying new things’ is what a C.I.A. agent calls waterboarding” tells you exactly which sentence to delete.
What to do after the roast
Rewrite the lines the roast named, then run it again — repeat roasts are free, and watching your Vibe Score move is the fastest feedback loop your profile has ever had. You can also roast a friend’s bio (with their blessing; the results page is built to be shared). And when the profile is fixed, the harder problem is still waiting: the conversation. That is what Find Albi’s practice mode is for — rehearsing real chats with AI personas before you spend a good match on a bad opener.
Frequently asked questions
Is the roast free?
Yes. Paste your bio, get the full verdict — score, archetype, five roasts, signals, and the one redeeming thing. No account needed.
What happens to my bio and photos?
They are private, never shared, never used to train AI, and automatically deleted within 30 days. The generated verdict stays at its share link so the link you send friends keeps working — but the bio itself is gone.
Which dating apps does it work with?
Hinge, Tinder, Bumble, or anything else — it roasts the writing, not the platform. You can also just describe yourself if you have not written a bio yet.
Can I roast a friend’s profile?
Yes — and the result page is made for the group chat. Repeat roasts from the same email are supported, so a second (or fifth) opinion costs nothing.
Is this actually useful, or just mean?
Both, deliberately. The jokes are the delivery mechanism; the payload is specificity. Every roast points at a real line in your bio, which means every roast is also an instruction for the rewrite.